I suppose it happens much earlier for most people. But over the past year or so I've realized that there are no rules that say that your group of friends from childhood/high school will remain close. Sad that it's taken me until I was 35 to truly acknowledge that. Sometimes history means nothing. 15-20 years of friendship and experiences can be cast aside with a single misstep. I've experienced this personally and as an observer to outside parties as my friends drift apart over this or that. What's really frustrating is often the person being ostracized and the person(s) who is ostracizing them are not both people involved in the event which started all the drama. These people, who have been through all this shit together over the years, just make a decision to say, "you suck because you hurt this other person. And despite the fact that I know you're generally a good person and you just make a bad decision here and there, I'm not going to forgive you this time."
Maybe even more frustrating than that is the people who say nothing at all but fall in step behind the ones who are screaming and scorning the most, afraid to say what they really think in fear that they too would become ostracized or villianized.
If there is something I've really learned over the past 2 years or so, is the healing power of forgiveness. I have learned to forgive people when they do something that hurts me, or someone else...or perhaps more importantly forgive myself for all the fucked up shit I have done. I forgive myself and I forgive others in the name of love. I know that sounds corny but it's true. I forgive people because I want to continue to love them. I forgive people because I know their true selves are better than a misstep or a big giant glaring mistake or whatever. I know they have the ability to be more of who they really are.
So perhaps its idealistic to think we'd all grow old together in perfect happiness, but I want to throw out there that forgiveness is always an option. In fact it's usually the best option. I say this with the intention to forgive those who have made those hasty judgments and convictions about me or my friends, because I love them just the same. Perhaps someone hurt them in the same way and so they relate and sympathized with those who were wronged. And I understand that completely. And the first thing to do in the midst of the drama is to help the individual wronged. But the bigger thing to do later on down the line is to forgive the wrongdoer.
So yeah, I do want to "get the band back together." I don't think it's an outlandish idea. I think we all have enough love for each other that forgiveness(and an apology or three) is all we really need to make it happen. And I think it can work for nearly any group of friends anywhere...
I hope you read this and know how sincere I feel about this. I want the band back together and I want to rock.
-B-
